365 Days - A Reflection

To a child, one year is forever. As we get older and start marking time, one year could feel like a day - or an eternity. Today a year feels unreal. It is one year ago that my Mom began her journey to the other side. It has been a year of many changes, revelations, sadness and yes, even joy. If my Mother taught us anything, it is that life goes on and the moments you have with each other are to be celebrated. Yesterday my niece had her 6th birthday party. When we talked about the appropriateness of the party on that date given the significance of the weekend it was an easy answer - Mom wouldn't have had it any other way.

As this year passed, I was reminded how much I needed and relied upon my Mom, in moments that would have passed naturally with just a call to her. A few words on the occasional call and I would move on feeling stronger, wiser - with no real thought of the spark that got me there. I was okay again and that’s what mattered.

As this year passed I was also reminded how much my Mom relied upon and needed me, as the phone remained silent. It is a strange phenomenon to be ‘relieved’ of these kinds of responsibilities. For parents, it is bittersweet as their child becomes an adult. For the child that supports an aging parent it is guilt in feeling free, sadness in feeling loss. That child becomes herself a child again, if only for a short time, as the strength, power and support you receive from your parents is suddenly gone – never to return again. It is difficult as you are faced with the need to define your heart and soul and use that to carry on. No more fueling up at Mom’s, it all has to come from you and what she gave you. Were you listening? Were you there in the moments?

Many religions have their dogma regarding the afterlife, and I am not sure to which I subscribe, but today – today it is the one where she is looking down and smiling at her family (blood, or no) as we take some time to remember in the way she would have loved best, together.

Mom, I love you, I miss you. I hope I’ve made you proud. I hope that the love you felt as God welcomed you into his kingdom was a love you felt from us. As our heart aches for you, it is healed by you in the memories of your love and compassion. Peace be with you, as you rest eternal in love and light.