On this Full Moon Solstice Night,
May Love shine down from its Blessed Light.
When shadow shields its light from thee,
Take troubles, stress and debt from me.
When shadow wanes, and light shines anew,
as the days grow long, and monies due,
Help me gain the sense of mind
To fill the need and meet the grind
In the new light from above
Help me do what's right for those I love.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
My Mom
Thank you, everyone for your heartfelt words and condolences. I have felt the virtual hug become warmer and stronger as I read each of them and am very grateful. My mom really was a special woman who touched and was remembered by a lot of people. I hope that if I've learned anything from her, its to free my soul to love everyone for what's inside, one of her many traits, one for which I'm most proud. I joke that she was probably knew some of our friends better than we did! For her there were no exceptions, no exclusions, it was only her fierce protection of us (not even her, but US) that could put you on her bad side.
She was very generous and so loved her family...and her extended family. She is known as Grandma B by many.
As much as she was diehard Yankee fan, no really, a DIEHARD. Yankee. Fan. she was far more dedicated to us and the people around each of us. She was very supportive of our endeavors, be it theatre, sports, school, the military, crazy jobs, anything we wanted she would get behind and support because it was something we wanted to do, or try regardless if she thought that we were crazy or on the right track.
Speaking of crazy, she always was finding a new crazy little toy or gadget to share with the kids (big and small!) the running joke became, "What the heck is that? Where did you get it? Let me guess, Grandma B!"
It is very fitting that her talent was knitting and crocheting. She made a bizzilion scarves, hats, sweaters and blankets, all designed to wrap you up and keep you warm - her version of a virtual hug. She and my dad could probably have lived comfortably off the profits of the sale of these items, but she often gave them away finding delight in how much people loved and appreciated the gift.
Great Grandma, Grandma, Mom, the Better Half, "Why bother reading the Jersey, call Grandma, LOL"; "How many people could she possibly stop to talk to, she should run for Mayor!"; "Want to get the most from your taxes? Go see Grandma, she won't miss a dime"; "Don't worry, call Grandma and Grandpa, they'll take you out there and wait for you to take you home"; "Where's Grandpa, outside in the car waiting for you?"/ "Where's Grandma, inside shopping again?" "I hope Grandma didn't hear that, she'll wash my mouth out with soap!"; "Stop worrying, next time just ask us and we'll help you, that's what we are here for"
You were here for that and so much more...
Mom, we'll be (mostly) okay, we're taking care of Daddy; you can rest for now (at least until one of us needs a guardian angel, which with this crew is sure to come soon!)
She was very generous and so loved her family...and her extended family. She is known as Grandma B by many.
As much as she was diehard Yankee fan, no really, a DIEHARD. Yankee. Fan. she was far more dedicated to us and the people around each of us. She was very supportive of our endeavors, be it theatre, sports, school, the military, crazy jobs, anything we wanted she would get behind and support because it was something we wanted to do, or try regardless if she thought that we were crazy or on the right track.
Speaking of crazy, she always was finding a new crazy little toy or gadget to share with the kids (big and small!) the running joke became, "What the heck is that? Where did you get it? Let me guess, Grandma B!"
It is very fitting that her talent was knitting and crocheting. She made a bizzilion scarves, hats, sweaters and blankets, all designed to wrap you up and keep you warm - her version of a virtual hug. She and my dad could probably have lived comfortably off the profits of the sale of these items, but she often gave them away finding delight in how much people loved and appreciated the gift.
Great Grandma, Grandma, Mom, the Better Half, "Why bother reading the Jersey, call Grandma, LOL"; "How many people could she possibly stop to talk to, she should run for Mayor!"; "Want to get the most from your taxes? Go see Grandma, she won't miss a dime"; "Don't worry, call Grandma and Grandpa, they'll take you out there and wait for you to take you home"; "Where's Grandpa, outside in the car waiting for you?"/ "Where's Grandma, inside shopping again?" "I hope Grandma didn't hear that, she'll wash my mouth out with soap!"; "Stop worrying, next time just ask us and we'll help you, that's what we are here for"
You were here for that and so much more...
Mom, we'll be (mostly) okay, we're taking care of Daddy; you can rest for now (at least until one of us needs a guardian angel, which with this crew is sure to come soon!)
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Villiage Individual
The older I get, the more I realize how intertwined our lives really are. In this age of "You decide, own your choices" I am beginning to believe that you really don't own your choices.
In today's world, any choice you make affects those around you. If you choose to quit your job to find yourself and the job that is right for you, your family also pays that price. If you choose to take a stand and spread the word that 'It Gets Better" you are affecting a society (how about: 'It IS Better, I'm here, please reach out'). If you choose to dye your hair pink, you are not merely affecting the family photo, you are affecting your opportunities for jobs which in turn, affects your family. Choices, both positive and negative are not neat little packages.
This is not meant to discourage making choices that are right for you. It is an attempt to point out, that if your choice is to have pink hair, then go for it. Just realize it means that in making this choice, you are making a choice as to what your obligations should be, what your lifestyle will be.
Nothing is simple any more. The 'me' generation needs to rethink that perhaps it should be the 'we' generation. Sacrifice and compromise are not dirty words. They are not cages. Responsibility for our tiny corner of the world and not just for ourselves, should be a badge of honor.
On my path to village elder, I am no longer apologetic for the choices I made, or the responsibilities I took on, as it has brought me a beautiful family. These choices have brought me to a place of enthusiasm for life and self worth that I have been able to share. When babygirl looks at herself in the mirror and says 'hello gorgeous' my heart is filled with hope. When I am stressing over how to pay the bills, keep the electricity on, and I hear these words repeated back to me, "Don't worry, we'll figure it out, we'll make it work, we always do" I cannot help but feel the positive energy I work so hard to create and think, yeah, we are going to be okay.
The lessons that I am only now beginning to learn as an elder, I wish began in my youth. I hope that by example I am lighting the way for the youth in my life, and that they will tell two people, and so on......
My wish is that the foundation I am building in my little corner is a positive and generous one. Let love and understanding be a guide, let your spirit soar. Remember that individual does not mean alone, should not allow for selfish just as a 'mob mentality' should not define you.
In today's world, any choice you make affects those around you. If you choose to quit your job to find yourself and the job that is right for you, your family also pays that price. If you choose to take a stand and spread the word that 'It Gets Better" you are affecting a society (how about: 'It IS Better, I'm here, please reach out'). If you choose to dye your hair pink, you are not merely affecting the family photo, you are affecting your opportunities for jobs which in turn, affects your family. Choices, both positive and negative are not neat little packages.
This is not meant to discourage making choices that are right for you. It is an attempt to point out, that if your choice is to have pink hair, then go for it. Just realize it means that in making this choice, you are making a choice as to what your obligations should be, what your lifestyle will be.
Nothing is simple any more. The 'me' generation needs to rethink that perhaps it should be the 'we' generation. Sacrifice and compromise are not dirty words. They are not cages. Responsibility for our tiny corner of the world and not just for ourselves, should be a badge of honor.
On my path to village elder, I am no longer apologetic for the choices I made, or the responsibilities I took on, as it has brought me a beautiful family. These choices have brought me to a place of enthusiasm for life and self worth that I have been able to share. When babygirl looks at herself in the mirror and says 'hello gorgeous' my heart is filled with hope. When I am stressing over how to pay the bills, keep the electricity on, and I hear these words repeated back to me, "Don't worry, we'll figure it out, we'll make it work, we always do" I cannot help but feel the positive energy I work so hard to create and think, yeah, we are going to be okay.
The lessons that I am only now beginning to learn as an elder, I wish began in my youth. I hope that by example I am lighting the way for the youth in my life, and that they will tell two people, and so on......
My wish is that the foundation I am building in my little corner is a positive and generous one. Let love and understanding be a guide, let your spirit soar. Remember that individual does not mean alone, should not allow for selfish just as a 'mob mentality' should not define you.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Tug-o-War
Feeling a little like I am in the middle of a tug-o-war. There's pulling going on from all sides. In a world full of takers, I feel like I've got nothing left to give.
But give I must.
Seriously, the bills aren't going away because you would rather spend that money on a spa weekend, the kids aren't going to raise themselves while you go off on that weekend, you aren't going to have the money to pay for that weekend if you don't go to work.....
The trick is finding balance.
How do you do that while you are feeling like you are so far in a hole you can't see the sun?
Choices, priorities, ownership. Very important. Choose your priorities and then own them. Sounds simple, but it really isn't. When you aren't feeling your own existence because you are feeling labeled as the 'breadwinner', 'guardian', 'responsible one', 'go to gal' and not the friend, 'mother', or the person that is inside your soul - your energy and enthusiasm feels crushed.
As much as all that is your responsibility, you cannot survive as a productive member of society without some reciprocal gifts in return. I don't care what any of the spiritual leaders, philosophers, or therapists say, it can't all come from inside. People see a good thing and they can't get enough. When that good thing is your generosity, energy, willingness to help - people tend to fit you in to their needs without realizing that you have needs of your own.
This sounds very negative. It isn't. It is more of a revelation to service the changes I need to make to fix the balance that is sorely missing from my life.
But give I must.
Seriously, the bills aren't going away because you would rather spend that money on a spa weekend, the kids aren't going to raise themselves while you go off on that weekend, you aren't going to have the money to pay for that weekend if you don't go to work.....
The trick is finding balance.
How do you do that while you are feeling like you are so far in a hole you can't see the sun?
Choices, priorities, ownership. Very important. Choose your priorities and then own them. Sounds simple, but it really isn't. When you aren't feeling your own existence because you are feeling labeled as the 'breadwinner', 'guardian', 'responsible one', 'go to gal' and not the friend, 'mother', or the person that is inside your soul - your energy and enthusiasm feels crushed.
As much as all that is your responsibility, you cannot survive as a productive member of society without some reciprocal gifts in return. I don't care what any of the spiritual leaders, philosophers, or therapists say, it can't all come from inside. People see a good thing and they can't get enough. When that good thing is your generosity, energy, willingness to help - people tend to fit you in to their needs without realizing that you have needs of your own.
This sounds very negative. It isn't. It is more of a revelation to service the changes I need to make to fix the balance that is sorely missing from my life.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Purge
I look around me and I see a lot of memorabilia, a lot of things I 'need/mean to get to' and a lot of stuff I just need to learn to let go of - mixed up in a lot of stuff that is just debris that mostly just needs to get thrown out, given away or sold.
The first part of the journey is to put stuff in its proper place. There is a lot of 'memorabilia' that needs to be put into the debris pile. There is a lot of 'need/mean to get to' that also belongs in that pile. Getting this stuff into that pile requires me to recognize and accept who I am and who I want to be. Others can't accept me if I haven't accepted myself.
What's holding me back?
Here is where I need to be honest with myself...
The first part of the journey is to put stuff in its proper place. There is a lot of 'memorabilia' that needs to be put into the debris pile. There is a lot of 'need/mean to get to' that also belongs in that pile. Getting this stuff into that pile requires me to recognize and accept who I am and who I want to be. Others can't accept me if I haven't accepted myself.
What's holding me back?
Here is where I need to be honest with myself...
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Bad Energies
Been surrounded by a lot of bad, vampiric energies lately. Makes it hard to start the day.
I know that you should create a protective circle just as a practice, I do. But when you have to start your day burning through already precious energy, stealing yourself for the onslaught of "brown" energy (because it isn't evil enough to call black) and tempering your mood so as to not be knocked off the sunny side of the porch....its exhausting.
The next few months you are going to see a lot about healing. First in order should probably be this energy drain, then in no particular order: finances, hair, body, soul, chi......we'll see where it takes us.
I know that you should create a protective circle just as a practice, I do. But when you have to start your day burning through already precious energy, stealing yourself for the onslaught of "brown" energy (because it isn't evil enough to call black) and tempering your mood so as to not be knocked off the sunny side of the porch....its exhausting.
I have always been a bit of.....oh, who am I kidding, I'm an empath. It is a blessing in that I feel connected to people in deep and meaningful ways. It is a curse, because these foul energies are wearing me down. It chips away at my mood, my self esteem, it goes so far as to make me paranoid that I must have done something wrong to offend. I am basically at that low of a place now after weeks of this.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
From April 2010
Currently in the process of getting a two year old to go to bed. If you never had this experience you are missing out on amazing creativity.
First there's the script changes, we have said her prayers at least three times, we have 'God Blessed' everything from everyone she knows, to her fish, to her pillows......Then there's the costume changes, we have changed from a pj gown to pants and a shirt. We've added music...why does that spider keep going up that water spout anyway?
We've had a few prop issues, which baba, where's the bobo, not that pillow, I want THAT blankee!
and finally,
We have moved in to the final scene where our heroine has successfully left chaos in her wake and she is in her bed.
Asleep before her head hits the pillow.
First there's the script changes, we have said her prayers at least three times, we have 'God Blessed' everything from everyone she knows, to her fish, to her pillows......Then there's the costume changes, we have changed from a pj gown to pants and a shirt. We've added music...why does that spider keep going up that water spout anyway?
We've had a few prop issues, which baba, where's the bobo, not that pillow, I want THAT blankee!
and finally,
We have moved in to the final scene where our heroine has successfully left chaos in her wake and she is in her bed.
Asleep before her head hits the pillow.