Tug-o-War

Feeling a little like I am in the middle of a tug-o-war. There's pulling going on from all sides. In a world full of takers, I feel like I've got nothing left to give.

But give I must.

Seriously, the bills aren't going away because you would rather spend that money on a spa weekend, the kids aren't going to raise themselves while you go off on that weekend, you aren't going to have the money to pay for that weekend if you don't go to work.....

The trick is finding balance.

How do you do that while you are feeling like you are so far in a hole you can't see the sun?

Choices, priorities, ownership. Very important. Choose your priorities and then own them. Sounds simple, but it really isn't. When you aren't feeling your own existence because you are feeling labeled as the 'breadwinner', 'guardian', 'responsible one', 'go to gal' and not the friend, 'mother', or the person that is inside your soul - your energy and enthusiasm feels crushed.

As much as all that is your responsibility, you cannot survive as a productive member of society without some reciprocal gifts in return. I don't care what any of the spiritual leaders, philosophers, or therapists say, it can't all come from inside. People see a good thing and they can't get enough. When that good thing is your generosity, energy, willingness to help - people tend to fit you in to their needs without realizing that you have needs of your own.

This sounds very negative. It isn't. It is more of a revelation to service the changes I need to make to fix the balance that is sorely missing from my life.

Purge

I look around me and I see a lot of memorabilia, a lot of things I 'need/mean to get to' and a lot of stuff I just need to learn to let go of - mixed up in a lot of stuff that is just debris that mostly just needs to get thrown out, given away or sold.

The first part of the journey is to put stuff in its proper place. There is a lot of 'memorabilia' that needs to be put into the debris pile. There is a lot of 'need/mean to get to' that also belongs in that pile. Getting this stuff into that pile requires me to recognize and accept who I am and who I want to be. Others can't accept me if I haven't accepted myself.

What's holding me back?

Here is where I need to be honest with myself...